Dearest Ms Juliet,

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Romeo

 The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer. Thanking you in anticipation.

Attn: Mr Romeo

 I wonder what Shakespeare would say… 

     Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the ‘VIP’ I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a luxury condo and a Jag are in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Yours perhaps,
Juliet

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Focus on the Family, a Christian organization which addresses the cultural dilemma in modern day dating, says that in our society, dating has become something of an obsession. It is just something you do if you’re single and of age (and that age is quickly dropping) globally. It is considered the natural precursor to marriage, and is generally considered something to be desired, regardless of the form it might take.

Dating had not only become a modern obsession. Over the years, it had also become big business. I tried to Google the word “dating” and to my amazement I got 246,000,000 search results.

There is a lot of confusion, hurt and sexual sin in modern day dating practices and as responsible believers we are supposed to counter such practices that demean biblical standards. So how do I go about getting to know someone and eventually getting married without getting hurt or compromising my faith?

Joshua Harris, a young pastor and now famous author, has promoted a model of courtship that dates back to a model used broadly before modern dating evolved- the one we find in the Bible and I am quite comfortable with it.

As I have said in my previous posts concerning this subject, we must, as Christians, not conform to the pattern of this world by trying to be distinct in the ways we think and act.

The sad reality is that surveys consistently indicate that professing believers behave almost exactly like non-Christians in terms of sexual involvement outside of marriage. They tend to live together before marriage; they show infidelity and sometimes divorce or separate after marriage.

This issue needs to be confronted because it seems that when it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of our everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. This truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christian families and churches. Worse than that, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individual believers and the church.

As a post script, let me just say that I believe the Bible speaks to every area of our faith and life as a believer (dating and marriage included). Thus, no area of our life falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God’s Word.

Here then are some portions of the Bible that may be of interest to us regarding this area:

• I Corinthians 6:9-7:19. This is a command to be pure, to consider the seriousness of sexual sin and some instructions regarding marriage.
• I Thessalonians 4:1-8. This tells us to not defraud one another in relationships — by implying a commitment by your words or conduct that does not actually exist.
• Song of Solomon 2:7. This talks about the “perfect time” to fall in love. It tells us to “do not awaken love before it pleases” — that is before the proper time.
• Proverbs 6:20-7:27. This is a warning to avoid sexual sin and foolish relationships.
• James 1:13-15. This admonishes us that all temptation is to be taken very seriously (and dating is prone to many temptations).
• I Timothy 5:1-2. This tells us to treat single women as sisters in Christ, with absolute purity.
• Titus 2:1-8. This teaches young men and women to focus on self-control and godliness.

Joshua Harris is right. The time has come to kiss dating goodbye.

I went to a friend’s wedding last week. There I realized something more about finding God’s will in my life. It came through a song that two of the wedding singers sung at the wedding reception. Let me just take you to a learning experience with that song.

First, take a look at the lyrics:

Chorus:

Bridge:

The lyrics of the song by Natalie Grant is inspiring. It even carries what I believe to be Biblical reflections about the issue of love, courtship and dating.

In our age and time when the youth live with loose morals specially on the issue of love and dating, a song such as this is a welcome refreshment. It provides fresh air to an otherwise stale atmosphere.

Everywhere we turn today we see repercussions of what sociologists call “new morality”- a pigment of postmodernism in our moral values. Our teen music icons, for instance, who openly flaunt sexuality in their songs and music videos are living proofs of this sad observation.

Grant’s song which stipulates about the “perfect one” whom God has created for us is of sublime importance if we are to counter the loose morals of our generation when it comes to love and dating.

But is it true that there is such a “perfect one” for each of us? Did God really have someone on His mind to whom we can spend our life on earth together?

The answer, I believe, to both questions is a resounding yes. God really has someone on His mind for us- someone whom we can be with all our life.

When God looked at Adam on the Garden of Eden some moments after he was created, He said that it is not good for Adam to be alone so He created Eve to be his companion. I believe that somewhere out there was an Eve which God has created for me.

By that Scripture in Genesis alone, I believe that I can now be freely disenchanted with the way our present culture decides to find that “perfect one.” Adam did not look for a companion, God gave her to him. It was God’s idea and not Adam.

Our postmodern take at courtship and dating is too selfishly motivated. Collecting x’s until one finds the right one isn’t godly at all.

At the conclusion of my bestfriend’s wedding last 2005, I left the celebration faced with the fact that within my circle of friends, only two of us now remained single. My bestfriend now has two kids and whenever our little gang meets, I still find myself in the center of teasing friends about my single blessedness.

When at one time, another friend shared to me that he was contemplating marriage late this year or next year, I found myself saying at the back of my mind, “Will my time ever come? Will there be a moment when my world will stop at a mere glance of that very special someone whom I’ll be with all my life? Will there be such a person for me?”

I love an essay which I read many years back about a young man’s longing for such a very important person. And I quote:

“I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if you like me, if you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other.

Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known “love”. I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person….

You just don’t know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me — the life I shall spend with you.

In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect — for YOU!

I wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here… patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you.

In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then,I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, inspite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life — and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow…lead to me.”

Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? – Luke 15:4

Only someone who has a deep love or obsession for that sheep will, don’t you think? Well that was what God did- for us!

I was window shopping at a mall the other day and in a book sale, I saw this book by Paolo Coelho, a best selling author. The book was aptly titled, “The Zahir.”

“The Zahir” is a novel about love and obsession. The concept of the zahir was taken from Arabic tradition.

In Arabic, this word literally means visible, manifest or evident. In Muslim communities, the masses use the word for “beings or things which have the terrible power to be unforgettable, and whose image eventually drives people mad.”

In Coelho’s usage, the zahir is something or someone who (or which) when we experience (encounter or meet depending on whether it is a who or a which) cannot be erased from our system. The zahir becomes the reason we live. He (or it) becomes the center of our universe.

It was said that the first witness of a zahir was a Persian by the name of Luft Ali Azur.  In his encyclopedic work entitled “Temple of Fire,” Ali Azur relates that in a certain school in Shiraz there was a copper astrolabe “constructed in such a way that any man that looked upon it but once could think of nothing else.” It was a zahir.

In 1832, a man named Meadows Taylor was said to have recounted an account when on the outskirts of Bhuj, another place in Persia (now called Iran), he has heard the expression “verily he has looked upon the tiger.”  He was told that the reference was to a magic tiger that was the perdition of all who saw it, even from a great distance, for never afterward could a person stop thinking about it.”

Such is how deep love and obsession work. It consumes you. It makes you think of nothing else or no one else. It was like that deep love that God felt for us. He leaves heaven and all its glory and splendor (his ninety-nine?)to find us- the lost sheep in his pasture.

So as you may have realized by now, this blog isn’t about the Coelho novel. It is about finding the best and the greatest zahir there is in the multiverse (assuming the latest assertions about the existence of multiple and alternate universes is correct).

This greatest (and best) zahir I am talking about is a person. It is suppose to be a person. And his name is Jesus.

The Bible declares Jesus to be the Son of the living God (Matthew 16: 16) who was given by the Father as a gift for fallen humanity (John 3: 16). He is the demonstration of God’s love for sinners (Romans 5: 8).

The “Good Book” even says that “in him we move and live and have our being” (Acts 17: 28). Therefore, If we are to have a zahir in our life (and we should), that zahir has to be Jesus.

While all other obsessions are fatal, obsession with Jesus is healthy and will produce a better life for the obsessed.

Jesus’ own words in the gospel of John says, “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

That life according to theologians is the “zoe” life. It is life in the realm of the spirit- a life that transcends even life in the flesh which we (and scientists) often call the “bios” life.

Obsession with this bios life creates all kinds of hedonistic leanings in us and we become victims of the lust of the eyes, of the lust of the flesh and of the pride of life. History is laden with concrete examples of this.

If there is a license in the Bible for obsession, it is obsession for Jesus. The language of Jesus, himself, about this is somewhat heavy.

In Matthew 10:37, Jesus Said; “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

Later in verse 39, he further said, “he who has found his life will lose it; he who loses his life for my sake will find it.”

You see, abundant life begins or ends by choosing or not choosing Jesus as the zahir of our life. The rich young ruler lost his, shall we lose ours too?