The morning was calm when Dreamer woke up that day. The sun shines brightly on the horizon and beams of light are slowly passing through the broken window panes. There was an awesome feeling of solemnity in the room.

Dreamer got up and sat down for a while on his bed in deep thought. Why is it that his dreams were really awful lately? Though he doesn’t want to, he can’t help but feel afraid, afraid that one day his awful dreams would turn to reality.

In his dreams, he saw the world crumbling around him. He saw his life being torn apart. Shadows are chasing him wherever he goes. He felt a cold chill in his spine. Not that he doesn’t know what those shadows were. He knows. He knows exactly what those shadows are and where they came from and the thoughts are tearing him apart.

What if anyone knows? It is suppose to be a secret. It isn’t to be broadcast to the world-no it can’t be, the odds are all against him and the ghosts of his distant past started to haunt him again.

Dreamer closed his eyes in frustration. Silently in his heart he prayed that the shadows just leave him alone. He needed grace. He knew that pretty well. And he knows that asking God for grace requires being broken. It requires letting go of all his sense of self-right. It means exposure to a world that he is running away from.

All these years he has been building a world all for himself. A world where everything is happiness. Where did, his Greek professor say, the word happiness came from? Makarios! Ah yes! That word.

Dreamer sighed in desperation and started dreaming again. He dreamed he was in a whole new world. A world devoid of tears, frustration, hurt and pain.

Dreamer, in his mind, has been building a world where roses doesn’t have thorns and rains are occassional. In that world carefully kept in the innermost crevices of his brain, these rains don’t mean crying. They mean health and beauty and healing.

“What makes you so sad today?” A young man slightly smaller than Dreamer rose from a nearby bed and pat him in the shoulder. “Is there anything wrong?”

The young man is Lion Heart. Playful, charming and friendly; he was among the only persons that Dreamer allows to enter his world of pseudo-reality.

Lion Heart sat beside him and tried to make him smile. It was their way of showing concern for each other when one is sad or frustrated somehow. It felt good for Dreamer, yes, but it felt odd as well.

It felt odd because he is not suppose to feel what he feels when Lion Heart is around. He knew that what tries to well up from deep within him for his bestfriend is terribly wrong. How could he ever felt that way?

Dreamer forced a faint smile in his lips. “I’ll be fine. It’s just that I had bad dreams for a few days now. I don’t understand why but I feel worried about those dreams.”

“Dreams really make us kind of sad sometimes. But dreams are dreams. Reality is what counts.” Lion Heart grabbed a pillow and trashed it towards Dreamer. The two playfully threw pillows at each other until both dropped heaving. They rested together on the bed until the bells rang for the morning routine to begin.

Dreamer and Lion Heart are enemies turned best friends. They felt friction as intensified as lightning when they first met yet after 5 months together in a boarding school, the momentary harsh exchange of words and ideas turned to a budding friendship.

The two were inseparable. They do lots of things together. In the campus, it is common knowledge that these two are bestfriends and dream buddies. They are actually so different from each other that their friendship proved to be a complex case study for human relations.

How can two persons of different personalities and backgrounds relate to each other so harmoniously that when they are together they felt like they were indispensable?

Lion Heart was athletic. Dreamer hates sports. Call it a psychological defect or abnormality of some sort but he never had the nerve to really handle a basketball ball. Sports is simply not his cup of tea.

Dreamer loves reading books but Lion Heart hates it. For him, reading sucks and it makes him idle. One thing that has captivated them both, however, is a strong fascination with music. They both compose songs and both love to sing. Music glues them together. There is, however, a line that draws Lion Heart and Dreamer apart. One that drives Dreamer to insanity for quite a few weeks now.

In his heart, Dreamer knows something is not well. From deep within him there is something so strong and uncontrollable that struggles to come out. It seeks a way out of the innermost cave where he has bound it for many years.

Dreamer knew he was wrong in confining it there inside his system for right now, he felt its power so strong. He fears that someday, he may lose his hold on it and it will come out.

One day it did. And that day dawned like a flash.

The morning was calm and the prevailing yuletide breeze sends shivers to his body when Dreamer woke up that day. The sun shines brightly on the horizon and beams of light are slowly passing through the broken window panes. The cool easterly winds brought dew-still evident in the Mango trees outside. There was an extreme feeling of guilt in the room.

Lion Heart is still lying on the bed beside his own. He somehow knew that when he finally wakes up, a friendship might have been broken. If only he had not known him, this day could have been different. But things really are that way, maybe. There are things that we sometimes regret. We may want to change them but they can never be undone.

How do we then find balance in this seemingly complicated maze?

I believe that integrity is related to two things- who we are (our identity as a believer) and how we project who we are in the world (which is actually subject to many other things like culture, mindset, etc). Above and between these two is a balancing factor which is how God looks at us. In youthful words, the famous dictum WWJD will help- What Would Jesus Do?

We often focus on just the other half of this gargantuan theory (how we project who we are in the world).  As a result, we end up in legalism like the Pharisees. We become like whitewashed tombs- clean on the outside but rotting on the inside.

So at the center of the debate on integrity, we can find the necessity of incorporating in the discussion how God sees every single person in light of His Word. Only then can we respond in the way Jesus would have responded.

Jesus forgave a woman guilty of adultery in John 8. He promised paradise for a thief when He was nailed on the cross. He gave Peter another chance in John 21 even though he denied Him three times one night. He pronounced blessing for his disciples who left Him when He needed them most.

Jesus has a way with grace we have to learn about. His response to people whom many of us will gladly label as a stain to the Church is simply amazing. As Philip Yancey, probably our generation’s foremost expert on the subject of grace, said, “it is the next best word.”

In this light, a more sufficient definition of integrity is needed- a definition which takes into consideration Jesus’ concept about grace. The one provided by Noah Webster and the philosophers of our day will not suffice. Let’s take a look at those for a moment.

The most common definitions of integrity are the following: (1) the quality or state of being complete; unbroken condition; wholeness; entirety; (2) the quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness and (3) the quality or state of being of sound moral principle, uprightness, honesty and sincerity.

We define it also as who we are and what we do in private. It is, according to one pastor friend who spoke about it, “living out our Christian life when no one is looking.”

The word integrity came from Latin and French. In Latin, it is the same as the word for the mathematical term integer. On both languages, though, the word means wholeness, completeness, soundness and an unimpaired or uncorrupted condition. In Christian Moral Theory, its common usage today refers to sticking to principles without hypocrisy.

Simply put, it is a match between what we project and who we are. My favorite term for this concept is “walk the talks.”

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Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? – Luke 15:4

Only someone who has a deep love or obsession for that sheep will, don’t you think? Well that was what God did- for us!

I was window shopping at a mall the other day and in a book sale, I saw this book by Paolo Coelho, a best selling author. The book was aptly titled, “The Zahir.”

“The Zahir” is a novel about love and obsession. The concept of the zahir was taken from Arabic tradition.

In Arabic, this word literally means visible, manifest or evident. In Muslim communities, the masses use the word for “beings or things which have the terrible power to be unforgettable, and whose image eventually drives people mad.”

In Coelho’s usage, the zahir is something or someone who (or which) when we experience (encounter or meet depending on whether it is a who or a which) cannot be erased from our system. The zahir becomes the reason we live. He (or it) becomes the center of our universe.

It was said that the first witness of a zahir was a Persian by the name of Luft Ali Azur.  In his encyclopedic work entitled “Temple of Fire,” Ali Azur relates that in a certain school in Shiraz there was a copper astrolabe “constructed in such a way that any man that looked upon it but once could think of nothing else.” It was a zahir.

In 1832, a man named Meadows Taylor was said to have recounted an account when on the outskirts of Bhuj, another place in Persia (now called Iran), he has heard the expression “verily he has looked upon the tiger.”  He was told that the reference was to a magic tiger that was the perdition of all who saw it, even from a great distance, for never afterward could a person stop thinking about it.”

Such is how deep love and obsession work. It consumes you. It makes you think of nothing else or no one else. It was like that deep love that God felt for us. He leaves heaven and all its glory and splendor (his ninety-nine?)to find us- the lost sheep in his pasture.

So as you may have realized by now, this blog isn’t about the Coelho novel. It is about finding the best and the greatest zahir there is in the multiverse (assuming the latest assertions about the existence of multiple and alternate universes is correct).

This greatest (and best) zahir I am talking about is a person. It is suppose to be a person. And his name is Jesus.

The Bible declares Jesus to be the Son of the living God (Matthew 16: 16) who was given by the Father as a gift for fallen humanity (John 3: 16). He is the demonstration of God’s love for sinners (Romans 5: 8).

The “Good Book” even says that “in him we move and live and have our being” (Acts 17: 28). Therefore, If we are to have a zahir in our life (and we should), that zahir has to be Jesus.

While all other obsessions are fatal, obsession with Jesus is healthy and will produce a better life for the obsessed.

Jesus’ own words in the gospel of John says, “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

That life according to theologians is the “zoe” life. It is life in the realm of the spirit- a life that transcends even life in the flesh which we (and scientists) often call the “bios” life.

Obsession with this bios life creates all kinds of hedonistic leanings in us and we become victims of the lust of the eyes, of the lust of the flesh and of the pride of life. History is laden with concrete examples of this.

If there is a license in the Bible for obsession, it is obsession for Jesus. The language of Jesus, himself, about this is somewhat heavy.

In Matthew 10:37, Jesus Said; “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

Later in verse 39, he further said, “he who has found his life will lose it; he who loses his life for my sake will find it.”

You see, abundant life begins or ends by choosing or not choosing Jesus as the zahir of our life. The rich young ruler lost his, shall we lose ours too?

There had been storms- in fact, hundreds of them. But this one is different, it had me desolated and broken. I thought I would be insane, banished forever in the asylum of tears.

“Be practical Job! Curse God and die. Curse God and die!”

I shivered in pain. The deep agony is killing me softly but savagely. Where were Your promises Lord? I was losing sight of them. Little by little, i’m drifting away.

A man, I was told, was walking with the Lord on the beach. It was one ordinary afternoon on one ordinary day. But his dream was never an ordinary dream. In fact, in those days when spiritual insights are blurred and rubbish, catching a glimpse of glory in a moment of oblivion is indeed extraordinary.

“It’s so nice to be here with You Lord,” said he, giving His majesty a faint smile. “Are You going to show me something on this beach?”

“Oh, I do have some things in store for you here, son,” replied God, “but I want you to discover them by yourself.”

“Sure Lord,” said he, ‘but please help me.” So he began to stretch his vision, catching sight of the waves that mirrored his life- sometimes smooth, sometimes rough; billowing against the sand and rolling in harmony with the whistling afternoon wind.

“The sea is relevant Lord. I have this feeling that this beach- this beach is all about me.” He gave God an almost quizzical look.

“You are learning fast son,” was the only reply and then there was a sudden storm. The sky grew dark and the man saw the fiercest lightning he has ever seen. The roaring thunder almost knocked him down.

The waves suddenly grew mad. Everything seemed to be in a state of chaos. Everything except one- God. He flashes to him a reassuring smile.

‘Lord this beach, this beach is a mirror image of my life. This beach is me!” he felt a sudden rush of ecstasy at that discovery.

In a split second, out from the sky flashed scenes from his life- each scene moving in perfect harmony with the billowing of the waves; sometimes smooth, sometimes rough, sometimes calm and as tranquil as a perfect life can be.

It was an exquisite experience. Everything was flashed back- the happy moments and the dull moments, the defeated moments as well as the victorious ones. Nothing was left unflashed- from the times when he’s on top of the world conquering the universe to the moments when he was beaten and struggling in the deepest pit. Everything was shown.

Suddenly the man cried. I cried. Slowly and silently at first- then louder. I was grieving.

In my most desperate moments, my best friend left me. Jesus left me. I looked back to see if my observation was right.

I cried all the more when I found out that I was definitely right. Jesus left me in pain. He left me in discouragement. He left me when I needed Him most.

Jesus, at that time, placed His nail- pierced hands on my shoulders, put my head to His chest and mouthed the words that said it all.

“My son, in your deepest and blackest moments when you see only one set of footprints in the sand; during those times when you think you were all alone; at those moments when you thought I left you behind; I was not walking beside you then. Neither was i holding your hand. During those dark and lonely times, I carried you. I bore the weight of your burden and endured the agony of your pain.”

Jesus smiled and said again, “I carried you.”

And then I woke up. The words, however, that Jesus said kept ringing on my ears. It was awesome to know the fact that in any moment of pain and suffering, Jesus is carrying me to bring out the best person that I can ever become. I now know where is God when it hurts.

Photo Above by Rene Ehrhardt

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.”

This witty remark by La Bruyer, a famous French philosopher, is worth pondering. It is an insightful saying that allows us to define life in the perspective of two classes of people: those who feel and (2) those who think. Those who feel are the nihilists while those who think are the skeptics.

Nihilists despair about the pointlessness of existence. For them, life becomes a tragedy because they are blatantly pessimistic. Think about those who would be willing to die and kill because they believe that the world must have a new beginning; that utopia can only be achieved by radical means.

There is neither value nor purpose in one’s existence. This belief is referred to as existential nihilism, a philosophical discipline founded on the premise that the world and man is devoid of meaning. In effect, all action, suffering or feeling is senseless.

For example, in Macbeth, William Shakespeare had his notorious hero express this very thought near the end of the tragedy when he said:

Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Another literary reference for existential nihilism can be extracted from the story of King Sisyphus in Greek Mythology. In the story, King Sisyphus was punished in the tartarus by being cursed to roll a huge boulder up a hill and then watch it roll down again throughout eternity.

In describing life as Sisyphean, therefore, by nihilistic reckoning, we mean that life is pointless and unrewarding. This is the very essence of La Bruyere’s remark that life is a tragedy for those who feel.

The last portion of la Bruyere’s quote, on the other hand, is reflective of the skeptical view about life. Here, the objects of our discussion are those who think. The skeptics don’t absolutely believe that life is pointless; they just simply doubt that there is a higher meaning or purpose to it.

For the skeptics, life becomes a comedy because they are at loss in trying to make sense of it. For example, when the author of Ecclesiastes said that “Everything is meaningless,” he didn’t mean it in an absolute sense. He simply found it hard to decipher the meaning of existence given the reason that he looks for it “under the sun.”

The context of the book of Ecclesisastes is that the Teacher, as the author calls himself, tried everything under the sun in his quest to find the meaning of existence. In doing so, he excluded, anything above it and failed.

We can never find meaning in life if we will look for it in improper places. True to the skeptic’s argument, doing so would make life a comedy because it won’t make sense. Take it from the wisest man in history who said, “everything is meaningless.”

The skeptics, however, do not realize that there is a more fitting option in this myriad of choices: the Christian point of view.

Near the end of his book, the Teacher realized that life will only make sense when lived with eyes focused on someone above the sun- God, Himself.

La Bruyere’s quote delves on a very important discussion about existence. There will only be two choices for us if we will choose to exclude God from life’s equation: (1) endure it like a tragedy, or (2) laugh at it nonchalantly as a comedy. Either way we will despair.

So why not make the right choice. Look to God today. Your life will be different

Photo above by .p a n e.