Focus on the Family, a Christian organization which addresses the cultural dilemma in modern day dating, says that in our society, dating has become something of an obsession. It is just something you do if you’re single and of age (and that age is quickly dropping) globally. It is considered the natural precursor to marriage, and is generally considered something to be desired, regardless of the form it might take.

Dating had not only become a modern obsession. Over the years, it had also become big business. I tried to Google the word “dating” and to my amazement I got 246,000,000 search results.

There is a lot of confusion, hurt and sexual sin in modern day dating practices and as responsible believers we are supposed to counter such practices that demean biblical standards. So how do I go about getting to know someone and eventually getting married without getting hurt or compromising my faith?

Joshua Harris, a young pastor and now famous author, has promoted a model of courtship that dates back to a model used broadly before modern dating evolved- the one we find in the Bible and I am quite comfortable with it.

As I have said in my previous posts concerning this subject, we must, as Christians, not conform to the pattern of this world by trying to be distinct in the ways we think and act.

The sad reality is that surveys consistently indicate that professing believers behave almost exactly like non-Christians in terms of sexual involvement outside of marriage. They tend to live together before marriage; they show infidelity and sometimes divorce or separate after marriage.

This issue needs to be confronted because it seems that when it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of our everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. This truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christian families and churches. Worse than that, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individual believers and the church.

As a post script, let me just say that I believe the Bible speaks to every area of our faith and life as a believer (dating and marriage included). Thus, no area of our life falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God’s Word.

Here then are some portions of the Bible that may be of interest to us regarding this area:

• I Corinthians 6:9-7:19. This is a command to be pure, to consider the seriousness of sexual sin and some instructions regarding marriage.
• I Thessalonians 4:1-8. This tells us to not defraud one another in relationships — by implying a commitment by your words or conduct that does not actually exist.
• Song of Solomon 2:7. This talks about the “perfect time” to fall in love. It tells us to “do not awaken love before it pleases” — that is before the proper time.
• Proverbs 6:20-7:27. This is a warning to avoid sexual sin and foolish relationships.
• James 1:13-15. This admonishes us that all temptation is to be taken very seriously (and dating is prone to many temptations).
• I Timothy 5:1-2. This tells us to treat single women as sisters in Christ, with absolute purity.
• Titus 2:1-8. This teaches young men and women to focus on self-control and godliness.

Joshua Harris is right. The time has come to kiss dating goodbye.

I went to a friend’s wedding last week. There I realized something more about finding God’s will in my life. It came through a song that two of the wedding singers sung at the wedding reception. Let me just take you to a learning experience with that song.

First, take a look at the lyrics:

Chorus:

Bridge:

The lyrics of the song by Natalie Grant is inspiring. It even carries what I believe to be Biblical reflections about the issue of love, courtship and dating.

In our age and time when the youth live with loose morals specially on the issue of love and dating, a song such as this is a welcome refreshment. It provides fresh air to an otherwise stale atmosphere.

Everywhere we turn today we see repercussions of what sociologists call “new morality”- a pigment of postmodernism in our moral values. Our teen music icons, for instance, who openly flaunt sexuality in their songs and music videos are living proofs of this sad observation.

Grant’s song which stipulates about the “perfect one” whom God has created for us is of sublime importance if we are to counter the loose morals of our generation when it comes to love and dating.

But is it true that there is such a “perfect one” for each of us? Did God really have someone on His mind to whom we can spend our life on earth together?

The answer, I believe, to both questions is a resounding yes. God really has someone on His mind for us- someone whom we can be with all our life.

When God looked at Adam on the Garden of Eden some moments after he was created, He said that it is not good for Adam to be alone so He created Eve to be his companion. I believe that somewhere out there was an Eve which God has created for me.

By that Scripture in Genesis alone, I believe that I can now be freely disenchanted with the way our present culture decides to find that “perfect one.” Adam did not look for a companion, God gave her to him. It was God’s idea and not Adam.

Our postmodern take at courtship and dating is too selfishly motivated. Collecting x’s until one finds the right one isn’t godly at all.

At the conclusion of my bestfriend’s wedding last 2005, I left the celebration faced with the fact that within my circle of friends, only two of us now remained single. My bestfriend now has two kids and whenever our little gang meets, I still find myself in the center of teasing friends about my single blessedness.

When at one time, another friend shared to me that he was contemplating marriage late this year or next year, I found myself saying at the back of my mind, “Will my time ever come? Will there be a moment when my world will stop at a mere glance of that very special someone whom I’ll be with all my life? Will there be such a person for me?”

I love an essay which I read many years back about a young man’s longing for such a very important person. And I quote:

“I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if you like me, if you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other.

Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known “love”. I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person….

You just don’t know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me — the life I shall spend with you.

In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect — for YOU!

I wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here… patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you.

In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then,I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, inspite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life — and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow…lead to me.”